Updated: Jan 24
Written on an overnight bus from Bangkok to Krabi, 6 years ago. I was just 22 years old and although this post does not echo how I feel today. It is an important piece of writing that I often read back to remind me how one decision can be life-changing, and how it all lead me to where I am today. Travel has changed my life in the best way possible.
Bangkok, June 2015
Have you ever felt that kind of love were it makes you feel sick to the stomach ? The kind were the reason your breathing is for that person. You love them with every inch of your body. Your not quite sure why or what they have done to you but your every thought is of them and slowly that love makes you lose your mind.
For three years I lived and breathed for this one person. Everything I did was for him. I was crazy, insane even.Was he worth it ? 100 per cent yes. Everything I have done and achieved now in my life is because of him; every day I am grateful.
What happened ?
I was 20 years old. Prepared to spend my life with this boy. Even scouring google for which dog we would buy.
Where would we live ?
How many children ?
I was blissfully unaware that my feelings were completely one-sided until one day he told me he had booked a flight. He was moving to the other side of the world. Just like that. My heart was broken. I was inconsolable. In some ways it felt as though someone had died. Tears were shed, words spoken; then he was gone. I had lost my best friend.
After a lot of soul searching, weeks of moping and an ocean of tears I had time to reflect.
I was an 11 year old girl again, the dreams that I had once had for myself slowly returned to me.
I remember discovering a different way of life in the Dominican Republic, when I was a young girl; on holiday with my family. Back then I'd had a vision, I would help people in countries different to my own. Change the world in some way, however slight it may be. Where had that dream gone? It had been lost so easily;
blinded by love.
1 month passed and then ;
My flight to Africa was booked. I was on a mission, not only to help those less fortunate than myself but to heal my own broken heart.
6 years later I have lived a life that I thought only existed in my dreams. My old life a distant memory. I have been enlightened by the lives of people all over the world. My heart feels full, my anxieties and heartbreak seem a lifetime away.
Even more than that; I feel lighter. I have changed in all the right ways and sometimes I find it difficult to connect myself with the small town girl I used to be.
Most of all, I am happy.
The reason I write this is simple. Don't let heartbreak break you. Let it make you stronger. Book that flight. Get on the plane. Take that new job and follow your dreams.
It may seem like the end of the world now, but one day it will all make sense to you. Your heart has been broken for a reason, to send you in a different direction. Take that new path! Don't ignore it.
We have a whole life time to settle down , yet there is a whole world out there dying to be explored and discovered.
For me; I am grateful. If my heart had not been broken. I would not have been forced to make such a drastic decision. To leave all that I knew, all that I loved behind me and face a world unknown to me.